Time Flies: When Life Intrudes on Living

Good day my readers; what few I may still have.  I thank you if you are still here for your patience and understanding.

The title above, as do a lot of things with me, represents multiple messages with a common theme.  The first is probably the most obvious…it has been a year since I last wrote here and published; much of that due to me allowing the regular routines of life keep me from doing, experiencing or enjoying being alive and indulging my curiosity, desire, or pleasure for the sake of increasing my own happiness.

The second lies in a similar vein but is both more focused and rather broad at the same time.  It is most likely a trick of the mind, maybe because as we age, we have more life to look back upon and reflect while we have an indeterminate amount of time, and potentially fewer things to look forward to going forward, but it seems as if the days, weeks, months and years go by more quickly than they used to.  

I look back at the significant moments in my life to date and many seem to have only happened in the recent past, but then as I actually allow myself to think upon them, I realize that these happened farther back in the past.

And finally, it is also a warning, to myself mostly, but to y’all as well.  Don’t be afraid to do that thing you have put off; take time for you and feed your mind, heart, and soul with the curious and creative, find the awe of a child within you and approach the routine and mundane as if it is the first time.

I may think of more upon this specific topic as I go along, but as per my usual 100 thoughts in 1000 directions speeding through my mind at a million miles an hour, so my train of thought is on the wrong track and possibly headed towards a derailing. So I shall make this a hodgepodge of other random thoughts.

Pets, animal companions, or whatever one wishes to thank about and call them…for many they are family.  Circumstances in my life have allowed me to have a fair share throughout the latter part of my life.  The last two years have brought a lot of heartache as we lost some of the most beloved of fur babies.  But as time healed those heartaches, we opened our hearts and homes to new beastie besties.  Our feline population has dwindled down to a number approaching something I feel will be more sustainable for the size of our home, and while I know it will fluctuate up and down, many of the ones who have crossed the rainbow bridge were more than just a beloved animal companion but a warrior, a hero, a fighter, an inspiration. Our canine pals left us as well.  And for a period of time we did not have any within our walls, having to obtain the joy of a dog through those of friends.  In December we rescued Nova, a dog of many a mixed breed, and then in February, it became obvious that Nova needed a friend of her own to keep her company while the human parents were out.  This led us to this whirlwind of a tripod pit mix named Posey.  Our house is a home again.

Jen and I have gone about and experienced several and various little vacations including a week in Canada.  These were all wonderful breaks from the routine and mundane, providing new energy and clearing the fog of jaded outlooks and skewed perceptions that come from the stresses of life when you do the same thing day in and day out.  Whether it is going to a different park or seeing the sights in a town not your own, or taking a dream of a lifetime vacation…don’t put it off any longer than you must to plan and execute that change of sights and sounds.  It will do your body and spirit good.

I continue to dislike the growing divide (mostly along political ideology) that seems to pit tribe against tribe, clan against clan, etc.  And what is more frustrating about this is that information/data contradicts or contravenes an opinion or idea, and yet is dismissed as fake and/or misleading.  I try to live a life of non-judgement.  I don’t always succeed (road-rage anyone), but if we differ we differ and I celebrate & accept those differences as a part of life…we are unique as much as we are a part of romancing greater, so it is important to take in new information, weigh it against what we know/believe to determine if there needs to be a revision

As the famous Rodney Kim quote goes “Can we, can we just get along.”

I know there is a whole lot more I want to talk about, but it is escaping me at the moment, so for now I shall close.

Till the next time (which I hope will not be another year away). I shall close.

The Cave

 Hey all!

Yeah, it’s been some time since I’ve been here; 8 months. I will do a catch up for y’all in another post, but just wanted to say, I don’t make money off of these, so I get to them when I can or occasionally when I feel it is necessary.  I will work on creating more consistently.

The Cave, not to be confused with a man-cave, is that place in my head that I disappear into.  I may be physically present, but mentally, emotionally…I have receded into the depths of my mind for protection against the storms and darkness of my life.

To many this may sound somewhat normal and even healthy on occasion.  It probably even is that, in moderation.  But, when you decide not to leave the cave and go meet basic needs, or do so in as quickly and quite obviously, reluctantly way, one tends to miss many things.

I am a self-described asocial, introverted individual.  This doesn’t mean I don’t socialize, but that I have a rather small gauge that measures my ability to be around people whom I don’t know, or even somewhat moderate sized gatherings of people where I know many but not all attending.  I have a tendency to observe, ponder and interact, if I feel I have something worth contributing.

Anyhow, when I enter my cave and am also in the midst of a depressive episode, well, that can be problematic.  It means that I am ignoring the people and the things that are important to, and worse, not giving back or contributing on my part to love and support those whom love and care about me.  Which, only adds to the depression and/or anxiety, because you tell yourself you are a loser, a failure, worthless, and feel paranoid that you are going to drive those individuals away.  And because you are so caught up in your private La Brea Tar Pit of the mind, that you start to sabotage those relationships to “fulfill” your worst thoughts.

It’s an ugly cycle.

I had been doing rather well in maintaining for some time, and was living in that normal cycle; until I wasn’t.  This threw me off.  Being an introvert and a typically asocial person, spontaneity is not a strong suit.  I like plans.  I like schedules (which those who truly know me have to wonder why I am always running late if I make plans and set schedules - it’s because I don’t plan for contingencies like, oh you know, weather, traffic, needing to scrape snow and ice off the car, etc.).  So to get back to the topic at hand, my scheduled roller coaster of mental health suddenly had a steep descent and some loops added in.  I felt like I was going to fall out of the coaster car.  So off to my cave.  I must have decided to dig in deeper, because I had wedged myself way in the back so that if you came in, you met my spears of anger or apathy.

I am thankful to all the MH professionals who have helped me, along with all those who care about me, that have made me understand that when you ask me what is wrong, or if I’m okay, you are letting me know that I am not my normal self, and that I need to come out and breathe the air, refresh my mind, body and soul with the joys of life, not dwell upon the million what-ifs of which I have control over about three of.

I share all this to say, if you are going into you cave on occasion, and using it to rest and recharge in a place of safety and security.  Good for you.  If however, like I have been doing for the last few months, staying inside that cave, as far away from the entrance as possible, maybe it is time to venture forth, find your tribe, and let them help guide you to someone who can help with whatever has overwhelmed you.

As always, comments and questions are welcomed.  I look forward to a debate, so long as it remains as a debate - civil and productive.  I have argued and allowed myself to be derided far too often once upon a time to let such things occur and waste my time.

Till the next one.

Friends of Fur, Feather and Scale

 14 years, eight months and two days of which I knew you only one month and 29 days less than you had here on Earth.  And until only recently you spent it with me, purring and pawing your way into my heart.  

Today, my furry companion, Snickers, crossed the rainbow 🌈 bridge.  My heart aches.  Not because I am overly saddened that he is gone, but that there are no more days with you, no more naps with you curled up beside me, with your back paws 🐾 having to touch me.  I created that little quirk when he was a kitten, because if I didn’t feel it little feet pressed against me, I did not know where he was and couldn’t roll over.

He was Guardian Angel #4.  He kept watch over me, and chased my demons away.  He greeted me at my door when I came home from work.  

It is amazing how these creatures that we take on as pets, as friends, as a companion in our journey through life, become so entwined in our hearts and in our souls.  And not through any wonderous words of wisdom, or keen insight into our psyche, though I am sure that if they could impart such knowledge they surely would, but simply because they love us with their entire being, without judgements or criticisms.  No “I told You!,” when they come to meow, bark, purr, nicker, whinny or whatever other sounds, and looks they give us, that make us believe they are listening to every word we say, and are deeply contemplating all we have said, and are figuring out what to say in response, without ever speaking any actual words.

While I may be anthropomorphizing them a bit, there has to be something more than just askance for their bowl of food, bag of grain, or juicy crickets. 

Fortunately, this time, I have no dearth of furry companions to help ease my sadness, and in turn add back to my happiness.  However, I shall miss my friend, as he shared a good portion of my life’s journey with me.

The System

We have all dealt with it, in one form or another.  The majority of us, thankfully, are lucky to not have to deal with it in any more than a peripheral capacity, like renewing license plates or a change of address for your license/ID, but even then it can be infuriatingly frustrating at the paperwork, red tape, and utter bureaucratic maze that is The System.

 

However, there are those who have to deal with the system much more closely, and sometimes in nightmarishly hellish ways; plus there are those of us who work with or as part of the system, and are struck by how twisted the system can be.

 

It is this last group that I am directly addressing, but all are welcome to proceed.  I am writing this out of my own frustration and disgust with a system that is supposed to be all about assisting those who need assistance, that instead does little more in assisting beyond providing some of the most traumatic social interactions that create distrust and disgust with anyone and anything that is remotely related to that part of the system that screwed them over (in their eyes especially, but in ours as well).

 

I wish I could provide a lot of details, so that you don’t have to guess, or fill in your own scenario, but privacy concerns and professionalism require that I be vague.

 

My most recent issue with The System, is that it asks people to come to it and obtain assistance for a large number of things.  This is the part of the system that works, in a somewhat Byzantine manner, but does provide for the common welfare of all.

 

However, this same system, then chastises you on the mild end, and creates scenarios that seem to be drawn from Rod Serling’s files of Twilight Zone material.  For example, we encourage people in domestic abuse situations to reach out, get help, and hopefully remove themselves (and any children) from such situations.  While The System does provide help with investigation, intervention and potentially prosecution of the batterer, it also has a tendency to make the survivor of the abuse also face an invasive investigation, threaten to or actually remove minor children and place them in foster care, and/or place the survivor on child abuse/neglect registry.

 

How does this encourage anyone who is even somewhat familiar with that story to feel that they should seek out assistance when they are being abused, or worse, suffering physical injuries when they find the courage and strength to say no more?

 

As another example, the system says to reach out for help when your bad habit/addiction has finally reached a point where you are ready to change.  Understanding human nature we know that habits that have been ingrained in us, possibly since we were young, and especially with addictions, change is a process.  Lapses into use of an old habit occur; lapses in sobriety happen.  Everything tells us that while not exactly OK, we should confront our emotions about how we feel due to the lapse, recognize it as a mistake, recommit to the change in habit or to our sobriety and begin again.  Personally, I lived my first 34 years of life perfecting my anger into an art form; throw in some PTSD, and it was a powder keg in a roomful of sparks situation.  I have been working on the new me for 20 years now, and the frequency of my returning to that display of anger decreases by months and years now, but I can still get caught up in my emotions once in a while and revert to using a habit that was 2/3rds of my life compared to the roughly 1/3 of my new habit using life.  

 

So how is it that we expect individuals who have lived their lives a particular way for so long, and probably had parental/familial role-models of such habits or addictions, to just throw a switch, and not have struggles, and lapses.  Notice I keep saying lapse.  I am not talking about relapse here, which is you not acknowledging you made a mistake, owning it and trying over, but instead giving up on your own self, and returning to your addiction or bad habit, believing you are worthy of better.  Anyhow,, the system says it wants to help you, but when you have a lapse, whether you self-report, or someone drops a dime on you, the system treats you as if you have relapses and have failed to make any attempt at change; thus proceeding forward with various negative consequences and reinforcing whatever self-doubt you harbor about yourself and your ability to change.

 

As advocates for our clients; as advocates for Justice and change, we must confront, and push for changes in the system that are basically a push from behind after offering a helping hand back up.

 

Thanks for your time, and please, leave me feedback or ask questions.  Just because I have shared my opinion, doesn’t mean that it is the best it can be or even the correct opinion to hold.

 

 

Thanks

Thanks, more formally Thank You.  It is an expression of gratitude.  Gratitude is the expression of being thankful or of receiving and returning kindness.

After almost two years of this coronavirus crap, and such radical division between people and groups over practically any issue, one can wonder what it there to be grateful and thankful for.  

I, unfortunately, cannot answer that for you.  While we may agree on certain things for which one is thankful for, others we may not, or as is more likely, that particular person, thing, what have you, is important to me but not you and vice versa.

There is more and more research that indicates that even small acts of being grateful lead to increases in general well-being, positivity, and happiness.  Just by acknowledging that you are grateful, thankful, appreciative of something.  Which in turn allows you to see and appreciate more activities, words, people, interactions or what have you that you are thankful for.

A day in which we celebrate Thanks, at least in my nation, occurs tomorrow.  My list is prodigious, I have a cornucopia of people, pets, books, music, and activities for which I am blessed and so very grateful.  If you are reading this, and if this short missive has moved you in some small way, I am grateful that I have your interest, and that I am grateful that I may have made a positive difference in your life, if even only for a moment.  

Moments are all we have.  They occur and then become memory and feeling.  Depending upon their significance, the memory may be short and the feeling practically forgotten before even a few more moments have come and gone.  But those that impact is the most inform who we are and who we can and will become.  Those moments are not our whole identity.  Those moments are not that which will forever define us, unless we allow them to.  I saw a saying the other day, “The past is good to visit, but it isn’t a place to live.”  And for that advice, and my continued attempts to live in the here and now, the present moment, I wish you a wonderfully joyous Thanksgiving Day, and I hope that you recognize all that is in your life that you can be grateful for (mistakes and failures suck, but they can also be something to be grateful for, due to the lessons, inspiration and, potential impetus to strive to try again, to do better, to refine our plan(s) and reach for our dreams.

A Nation under Rule of Claw

Hello!  I know, it’s been a while.  Watching the world go by has been wearying.  Alas, an event occurred that was both stunning, and yet, not unexpected, and so I knew I had things to say about it.  I just needed to get my thoughts organized first.

This great political experiment has been running for almost 250 years, if we use The Declaration of Independence, or just over 230 if we use the ratification of a majority of the state conventions.

However one chooses to measure that period of time, our country has presented to the world and represented some ideals that to this day attract millions of people who want to start a life in a nation where there is opportunity and freedom unlike few other places.  Let us not ignore the dark, ugly history that is also ours, and tarnishes our luster, dims the beckoning light upon the hill, as to do so only lessens our ability to strive towards those ideals.

Today, I speak of a dark and ugly moment.  One in which the experiment of a democratic republic that espouses Liberty and Justice came to a halt.  We claim to be a nation under rule of law.  On January 6th, 2021, we witnessed a turn toward rule of claw, instead.  The chain of peaceful transition of power from one presidential executive to the next had almost been broken.  Led by individuals who claimed to believe in, love and respect the US Constitution, they violently attempted to subvert that process, and they continue to make threats to continue to instigate violence and create chaos, and they were urged, in not too subtle a manner, by the individual who was supposed to be transferring that executive authority.

Why?  Well, there are probably as many theories as there are registered voters in our country, but it boils down to this...a man whom had a large cult of personality, used his charisma, his populist appeal, and his bombast to rile up his most devoted of followers into the belief that He was the rule of law to be followed, not the US Constitution.  

I get it, on some base level.  He is well-liked by many who see him as The Outsider who was going to bring America back to some sense of her old glory.  However, what exactly that era, period, timeframe of greatness was was never truly defined.  So, groups that have extreme ideas about when such glory existed and were emboldened by the rhetoric came out to help Make America _________ (fill in the blank with what have you).

Initially, when it was deemed that the election had been lost by him, he used the lawful and time honored means to challenge his loss.  However, he had been setting the stage for calling the entire voting process into question if he lost long before the first vote was cast.  Yet, the poll monitors and vote watchers found no wide spread irregularities.  Courts, of which some had judges whom he had nominated to their positions on the bench denied the merits of his claims as baseless and refused to hear the arguments.  At this point, a reasonable person would concede that rule of law had spoken and go back to private life and his business holdings.  Instead a petulant child cried and these people who supported him and also claimed they were patriotic citizens, instead felt compelled to take part in an insurrection and subvert the will of the majority of the electorate by forcing their way into the halls of the legislative body and creating chaos to intimidate those elected representatives of the people.

Lex Talionis, has no place in the modern world.  Should we plunge into some apocalyptic dystopian future, then an eye for and eye, and blood feuds and family/clan/tribal communities rising up to avenge what they see as an injustice probably shall be an important aspect of life until some norms and forms of civilization and society can arise again.   However, this is not that time.

We The People: an Ideal of Equality

We the People…

Three rather simple words that comprise the preamble a profound and significant document.  

Three simple words.  In wedding vows, I Thee Wed.  Upon taking an oath, I Solemnly Swear.  Such significance and power in three words.  While in the case of the Constitution of the United States, these three words precede the rest of the body of the work, they are also a promise, a pledge, a unique contract between the government of The People and the People who are both the body giving that government it’s powers and the arbiters of that government’s role both domestically and internationally.

 

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

This short paragraph, those three words at the beginning…the sum of what government’s responsibility is, and thus, because we as individual citizens are collectively the government are also bound to these tenets.  

 

I hear the coming arguments.  It was written over and ratified over 225 years ago; how is it still relevant today?  It incorporated language that benefited, and thus gave legitimacy, to slavery; how does that not make the Constitution something that institutionalized racism and marginalized any minorities?  My answer is, Amendments.  The ability and process to make changes and bring it in line with the social changes that “establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility…promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty” that will occur as we grow and learn and gain more understanding of what Jefferson meant when he said that all mankind is created equally and endowed with the inalienable right of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.  Yes, I paraphrased Jefferson from the Declaration of Independence, and will note that while that document in itself is not subject to change, the ideas of equality and basic rights were not set in stone, but should adapt to the definitions as of the times, not to remain stuck in the archaic definition of Free, White, Male, over 21 years of age and an owner of property (real estate) being the only ones who haveEquality and the rights of Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness (PoH).

 

What does all of the above have to do with whatever, you ask?  Well, I hinted to it in the last paragraph.  Systemic racism.  The fact that way too much ugliness and disparity exists towards any person of color, when they are as equal to any other individual on this planet, especially in this nation.  

The ideals of what is America, and what she represents, the example we wish the world to see us set and follow, sadly, appear to fade further and further from what was set up as we move into the future?  Granted it took approximately 75 years for slavery to end, and those amendments I talked about to ensure that skin color, and any previous history of involuntary servitude were not barriers to being a citizen, but it happened.  At least in word.  Same goes for women, nigh on a 130 years passed before they were recognized as equal, but it did happen.  Another amendment, helped with that. Again, at least in word.

Yet, for all the steps forward, in the overt and legal sense to bring about and live the ideals of equality of all, covertly, nothing changed.  With a wink and a nod, with a blind eye turned, nothing changed.  Systems meant to care and protect all of us work best for the well-to-do white, and the provision of services and systems, their effectiveness, and the professionalism of the providers is influenced first by skin color, then socio-economic status, and then other factors that should have no bearing whatsoever upon how those services and systems are provided and in the way they are able to be accessed.

While in a perfect world, there would not be such divisions of others based on things that do not matter.  Skin color should not matter on how any one is treated or upon how you treat someone else.  Gender should not matter.  Disability should not matter, because disability does not equal inability.  Ideology, be it political, religious or philosophically, should not matter in how we treat others.  That is the ideal; that is the American ideal; that is what our Constitution suggests how the government and the citizens would ideally work together to build, and grow and move into the future.  Our reality takes stuttering steps to achieve that reality, and then seems to take giant, almost purposeful, leaps backwards.  

 

In my opinion, we as a nation, we as a species, are regressing in our civilization, and dismissing our civility.  We are returning to a time where tribalism is dominating how we interact with others, and our tribes are composed of very specific political and other ideological points.  All are equal, so long as they think like me, everyone else is wrong, and therefore inferior.  No!  Liberty and PoH, two-thirds of the inalienable rights, dictate that I am as equal to anyone else, and I must interact with others, regardless of such differences, as individuals who are equal to me.  I can freely express my opinions, my ideas, my beliefs, and others can listen and ponder upon them.  Those others can disagree with me, we can exchange facts and ideas and discuss them to a point where one of us may be swayed to adopt this new information and adapt our opinions and beliefs, but there is no requirement for either of us to do so, and regardless of a change or not, we both retain our liberty and continue to have the opportunity to pursue happiness as we see fit.

 

What brought about all this opining upon my part, sharing my thoughts to hopefully generate things for you to think about.  The death of another black man at the hands of a member of law enforcement.  I am saddened by the fact that so many incidents occurred before this one to make me disgusted enough to speak out.  I am disappointed in myself for not understanding how pervasive systemic racism is, and disgusted how that systemic racism was/is intertwined in the profession of law enforcement.  Law Enforcement, policing, peace-keeping, however you wish to term it, is one of those systems we have in our nation that is devoted to several of the ideas expressed in the preamble of our Constitution; domestic tranquility, general welfare, justice, and security of liberty.  It is a service that should be provided to every single person within our borders regardless of race, religion, gender, age, ethnicity, economic status, social class, disability, sexual orientation, political leanings.  The ONLY thing that should influence how an individual’s interaction with the police goes, is whether or not that individual is actively attempting to harm the police officer.  Knowing that it is difficult to not take such an assault personally, and needing to bring their adrenal responses under control, once that person is in custody, that provision of services must return to a status of working on equal footing.  Further, once a situation in which an agent of the government has restricted the liberty of any person, there is an absolute duty of care for the arresting officer, and the agencies involved in the detaining of a person to provide for the health, welfare and security of the person in their custody until such time as that person is no longer detained.

 

Please understand, I am not asking anyone to worship The Constitution, nor any other document.  They are very important guides.  Just as the texts of a particular faith inform one in their beliefs of conscience, the US Constitution, as well as the constitutions of the individual states inform one of the roles and responsibilities of government, and the laws promulgated under those frameworks, inform us of the responsibilities we have in relation to the inherent rights we possess, not only as citizens of this nation and her separate states, but also to the ideals we espouse to the world.

 

I know I have probably wandered in thought here, so I hope you will have been able to follow my path and understand where I was trying to go, and what I wanted to impart.  As always, I encourage questions, comments and civil debate/discourse upon that which I have pondered.

 

***Editorial Note:  I am not an attorney.  I am not a legal scholar.  I am not a student of Constitutional Law.  The thoughts expressed below are of one lay person’s interpretations of what this document says and of the Founder’s intentions and hopes for the future were in relation to the form of government and its role in the new nation. ***